I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
