So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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