FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
