Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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