My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
