your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize