Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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