Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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