Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
