her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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