I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
