u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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