Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
