I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
