Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
