got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
