She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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