he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
