Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
