I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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