My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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