Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
