I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
