ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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