is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
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