How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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