I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
