Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
