I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
