He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
