you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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