Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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