How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize