It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
