carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize