my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
