Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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