I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
