the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
