I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
