seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
