Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
