Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
