u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
