i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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