What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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