No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
