DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
