I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
