Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she peed on how many people?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
