it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize