You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
