2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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