the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
