On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize