This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
