I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
as a side note pls kill me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
