69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You're like the curious george of whores
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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