The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
