so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
