just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
