you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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