Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
