Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize