Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
