sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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