In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
