Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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