That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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