Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Even my vagina gasped.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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