her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
