mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Girls should come with a carfax report
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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