Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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