I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she pinky promised me she was 18
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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