You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
